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Women Who Get Used Up and The Power of Choice
If you like this article:
But she worries that because she has such clear boundaries and standards that she won’t be able to live the life she really wants. People won’t understand why she is so careful to take care of her needs and they will think badly of her. She will lose friends and opportunities. She can recount several instances when she took steps to meet her needs and it upset those she lives or works with.
We talked about how so many women get "used up". You know what I mean. In their work - in order to get the next promotion they have to abandon any hope of taking a family vacation. Or in relationships – the family expects that they will come for all major holidays – and they have to let go of the need to take a day of rest in favor of meeting the family obligations.
In my practice, I see a lot of these women who have gotten used up.
There is the mother of three young children who in the name of good parenting has not had a single day to herself for 5 years.
And the divoriced small business owner who is so stressed that she has put on 60 extra pounds and can’t find the time to take a walk by herself.
And the independent marketing consultant who can allow no time for cooking – so has to eat out or order in food all the time- and she is absolutely exhausted.
How about the woman in her 50s who devoted all of her 30s and 40s to raising her children and now has fibromyalgia and adrenal fatigue.
Or the professional health care worker who could not say no and now is juggling 3 part time jobs and feels like she is going crazy.
And then there is the woman who is raising 4 kids, active in her community, running her own small business, going to school – and is so busy taking care of everyone else’s needs that she is only sleeping 3 hours a night- and can’t close her door for an hour a day to handle her own life.
Examples abound. Recognize yourself?
"There is more to life than
increasing its speed."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Women these days seem to have been convinced – somehow – that if you take care of yourself you will lose. I don’t know what - but something big. Instead of managing their energy, they are using every last drop of energy to run themselves into the ground – figuratively usually and sometimes literally.
What will it take for women to recognize that they have the right and responsibility – and the ability - to take steps to rest, replenish and renew themselves – to find their way back to themselves.
The tips in this ezine can be a big help to women who have gotten used up. They can help stop the downward spiral of depletion and start an upward spiral of centered, coherent aliveness and vitality.
But in order to have these suggestions help you, you will need to do one major thing – something no one else can do. You will need to uncover the resolve to upgrade your boundaries and standards to live the life you really want, and to stay the course even when it might look like you may lose something big – friends, opportunities, whatever.
Without that internal resolve no amount of "faking it’ will get you back to yourself.
Through my many years of working with women I have discovered when all is said and done – after all the understanding, all the realizations, all the programs and plans – it always comes to this one crucial point.
Is this the choice you really want to make?
When you reach this point – no one else can help you. There is nothing more to learn - nothing more to understand - no new system to try that will make it easier. Either you chose to take care of yourself – and do the things that will take care of you. Or you choose not to take care of yourself – and continue doing things that use you up.
If you make the choice to take care of yourself – all means and manner of helpful people, things, and circumstances can be garnished to support you along your path. Sure the going can get rough, scary and unknown – but your choice will act like a beacon guiding your way.
If you choose to continue doing things that use you up – nothing will really help.
So how do you make this choice?
When it comes to making a choice like taking good care of yourself or experiencing perfect health and well being – this is what I call an "elemental or core choice". It is a choice that has to arise from the core of your being – it is about a basic way you choose to live your life – your basic orientation and values about life.
When you make this kind of elemental choice it orients or drives other choices in your life. When you really make an elemental choice – a core choice – such as taking good care of yourself - there arises within you a power to act as the creative force in your life and see to it that you live your life according to your elemental choices.
Without this core choice in place, when you think you are choosing, really you are just thinking that this is a good idea that might be nice.. Instead of really choosing, you are just hoping that your circumstances will somehow come around to your favor and get you where you think you want to go.
Making a core choice is something about you – it is not dependent upon changes that might occur around you or even internally.
"If you make the fundamental
choice to be true to yourself, then you will act in ways that are true
to yourself whether you feel inspired or depressed, whether you feel fulfilled
or frustrated, whether you are at home, at work, with your friends, or
with your enemies."
-Robert Fritz, The Path of Least Resistance,
How do you make the choice - – now this is the really interesting part-
You just choose – And you keep choosing in every moment.
Simple. (Not necessarily easy.)
- Ask yourself, "What do I really want?
- Ask yourself, "If I had this would I really want it?"
- If you answer "yes’ then take that just one more crucial step – choose it.
"I choose this."
"I choose to take really good care of myself. I don’t know how it is going to be possible. I don’t see the way or the means to make it happen – but I still choose it."
It helps if you allow yourself to not see clearly the path in front of you – just keep choosing. Let your mind - focused and directed by the choice - scan your world for ways, means and opportunities. Let your mind – directed and oriented by the core choice in your being - bring to your consciousness your first step and then the next and then the next.
Trust in the process. Trust yourself and keep yourself anchored in your choice.
If things are not going your way or you are not getting the results you want, take a moment and look and see what choices are driving you. If you are a women who feels caught in situations that are using your up – call a halt to the whirlwind for a moment – and make another choice.
Remember you do not have to know how to get there - you just have to choose to get there.
"Each of us literally chooses,
by his way of attending to things, what sort of universe he shall appear
to himself to inhabit."
- William James
Are you getting "used up"?
- I have at least one hour a day dedicated to myself.
- I eat my meals sitting down in a relaxed environment?
- I live in a pleasing environment.
- When I wake in the morning, I feel rested, energetic and excited about the day.
- My life is connected to my dreams.
- I do not always hurry, rush or feel pushed.
- I love my work.
- I get 8 hours of quality sleep every night.
- I eat fresh, wholesome, quality food.
- I feel connected to myself and my life.
If you answered "yes" to all of the above you are well on your way to quality management of your mood and energy. If you answered "no" to any of the above you are missing some of the basics of good mood and energy management.
Want some help to take your mood and energy to their best? Contact me for a free service appointment to talk about your situation and options to get where you want to be. Call 434-263-4669 or e-mail,
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© Copyright 1997 - 2008 by Mary Ann Copson and Evenstar. All rights reserved.
About the Author:
Mary Ann Copson is the founder of the Evenstar Mood & Energy Wellness Center for Women. With Master's Degrees in Human Development and Psychology and Counseling, Mary Ann is a Certified Licensed Nutritionist; Certified Holistic Health Practitioner; Brain Chemistry Profile Clinician; and a Health, Wellness and Lifestyle Coach. Reconnect to your physical, emotional, mental, psychological and spiritual natural rhythms at
http://evenstaronline.com
